Ups and Downs
by KenshinandKeats
Summary: Life has not been kind to either of them. Somehow, they manage to survive, each in their own way. Short one-shots and drabbles in no particular order featuring Levi and my OC Rivka.
1. Down to Earth

A/N: I have _no _idea why I love writing things where I don't use their names, but I do.

Also, for those of you who have read these before, I apologize. I was having a slight moral crisis about whether posting fanfiction online was legal etc. etc. so I took my stories down for a while. Fortunately, I've gotten over that and am reposting these, though in a slightly different fashion than before. They're all going in one collection-they all belong together anyway.

_Inspired by Love is Only Love by Barbra Streisand from "Hello, Dolly!"_

* * *

**Down to Earth**

He wasn't a very physically affectionate person.

He never shied away from human touch unless someone had dirty hands (like when Hanji would come to him with some new theory after experimenting-without washing her hands). In fact, whenever she said hello by way of a hug, he seemed to enjoy it. He wouldn't stiffen and stand rigid until it was over-he'd gently encircle her waist with his arms and rest his head on her shoulder, drawing her closer to him.

But he didn't usually initiate human contact. _She_ was always the one to hug _him_, or hold his hand, or kiss him on the cheek. But she still knew that he loved her.

It certainly wasn't because he would stare at her with eyes brimming with love and affection, because he didn't. His eyes didn't show his thoughts and feelings that way. It was the fact that he would stare at her at all. The fact that he would just sit and gaze at her, without saying anything, for seemingly no reason at all. (Her cheeks would flame up when he did that, especially if they were in public.)

Neither was it because when she hugged him, she felt as if she were floating on a cloud. Hugging him usually felt a little bit more like being weighed down, since he was shorter and heavier than she was. It was because he hugged her back. Because when he hugged her back he held her tightly and protectively, as if he didn't ever want her to leave his arms.

And it wasn't because when she kissed him she heard violins playing a love song. He never treated kissing as a big production. Their kisses weren't long, drawn out affairs but rather short, sweet, and to the point. It was because he kissed her back; and because sometimes, when she couldn't resist and gave him a quick peck in front of his squad, she'd see a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks, even though he went on with business as usual.

It wasn't even because when they held hands, she felt a connection. She really didn't feel or notice anything special when she held his hand. No, it was because he wouldn't try to yank his hand away or just let it lay limply in hers like a dead fish. It was because he held her hand gently but firmly and didn't let go.

It was because he saved _his _embraces, _his _reaches for her hand, _his _kisses, _his _"I love you's" for when she really needed them.

It was because his love was quiet that she knew it was real.


	2. Having Fun

A/N: Ok, so at least this one is from Levi's point of view. It's still focused on Rivka but it _is _from Levi's perspective so that's something, right? Right?

Disclaimer: Don't own a thing except Rivka. Thanks Isayama for Attack on Titan (but mostly for Levi)!

_Inspired by I'll Be by Edwin McCain and Sweet Afton by Nickel Creek_

* * *

**Having Fun**

Levi didn't commit himself to much. But when he did, he gave all of himself to it. That's one of the reasons he was so good at his job-because he was dedicated to fighting oppression, be it by Titan or government. It was also one of the reasons he was so curt. Besides the fact that his personality was just normally rude and crude, he didn't have time for distractions and such nonsense. Since he was putting everything he had into working for the Survey Corps he wasn't going to waste any time.

Therefore, it was strange for him when one of his distractions suddenly became the most valuable thing in his life. There had been a struggle and it had taken a while, but somehow it had unseated the Survey Corps from the top spot on his list. But, true to form, instead of letting this bother him too much, Levi did what he always did: gave one hundred percent.

And that's why he was standing there, at this party Rivka and Hange decided to have. To Levi's annoyance, Erwin had approved of it, saying it would help to raise morale and keep people's minds off the fact that they would probably be dead soon.

Levi didn't really see the point.

But he couldn't bring himself to object.

He sat, in his usual position with arms and legs crossed, in one of the chairs lining the ballroom wall. Rivka had stumbled upon the room during the initial cleaning and had declared that they must _absolutely _have a dance at some point. So a dance they were having. And most people seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Several of the cadets played on some pipes and fiddles as Rivka taught the rest of the new recruits different dances. Once they got the hang of some reels, she left them to their own devices. She poured herself a cup of water and sat down next to Levi, flushed with exertion and happiness.

"This is going so well! I'm glad everyone is having so much fun!" She sighed contentedly.

Levi just looked at her. She nudged him.

"Ok, everyone but _you _is having fun. But you don't have much fun with anything so you don't count."

She thought he wasn't having fun, did she?

"Tch."

He raised an eyebrow as she impudently stuck out her tongue.

"If everyone's having so much fun, why aren't you out there with them?"

She look at him with an exasperated smile as she replied. "Because I've been dancing non-stop for about an hour and I need a rest, jerk."

"You can't even dance that long without getting tired? Since when did we let such weaklings in the Survey Corps? I'll have to talk to Erwin about this." He loved teasing her, all the more because she often couldn't tell for sure whether he was just teasing or actually serious.

"Hey! This kind of dancing takes a lot of energy!" She had pulled her hair back into a bun, but her enthusiastic dancing let several strands escape and hang down to frame her now-scowling face. "Besides, this is the first time I've _really _danced in the past five years. I'm a bit rusty."

He was paying so much attention to her hair that he almost missed what she said next. "And not all the dances will be so lively. In fact, I'm going to teach them the waltz once they start losing steam and need a rest."

"Hn." They didn't say anything more for the next twenty minutes.

Then Johanna came over to ask for help and complain that Helmuth had no idea what he was doing. So she got up to help them all again. He got annoyed that they always asked her, instead of some of the other adults there who knew how to dance, but he knew that she was always good with the newer members of the corps. She made them feel comfortable.

It was about thirty minutes after that that Rivka and Hange _insisted _they all take a break.

"And you guys need to drink water! You'll get dehydrated if you don't!" Hange was such a pest.

After everyone had had as much water as Hange deemed necessary-more water than they could really hold, they all felt-Rivka stepped up to teach the waltz.

"Alright everyone. This next dance, besides being graceful and beautiful, is a very good choice to help cool you down and rest between high-energy dances. Now, I need a volunteer to help me teach this. Anyone who knows how to waltz that would be willing?"

Several men raised their hands but none of them were quick enough. Because as soon as she had begun speaking, Levi made his way over to her. By the time the last word left her mouth he had her in a closed waltz position.

The look of shock on her face pleased him immensely.

"You...?"

So did the fact that she dropped her hands and just gazed at him in wonder for about thirty seconds.

"Stop staring at me like a lovestruck brat and teach them the dance, woman."

She blushed slightly at this. "Well, you haven't exactly shown much interest in dance before this."

"You never asked. But now's not the time to argue about that-teach them the dance."

Hange interrupted their little spat.

"How about you two dance to a song first, so they get an idea of what it looks like?"

Levi and Rivka looked at Hange and then at each other.

"I don't know if that's absolutely neces-"

Rivka stopped as Levi had already grabbed her hand, put his hand on her waist, and looked in her eyes.

"Tell the idiot cadets to start playing a waltz."

"_Hai_!" Hange scurried over to the musicians, who had been planning on taking a break.

Rivka just looked taken aback. Her cheeks flushed and they hadn't even started dancing yet.

"Don't forget to lean back."

"I won't." Rivka seemed in a bit of a daze, but he made sure to pin her down with his gaze so she couldn't look away.

Her face quickly became tomato red. He almost smirked with satisfaction.

The music started up, so they began the dance.

He loved the waltz, so graceful and precise. Most people wouldn't have thought it of him, but he even liked being tender and gentle on occasion. So he held Rivka firmly, not tightly, and led her effortlessly.

She was a good dancer and followed him intuitively. Whenever he hesitated or twirled, she always managed to do just the right thing.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, he got lost in her eyes. So when the song stopped, he stopped, but didn't let go. She continued to stare into his eyes silently, as she had done the whole time they were dancing.

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. If he hadn't been brought to reality by all the sounds around him he might've even kissed her.

Rivka seemed to snap out of a trance. "Oh! Eh? How long have we been dancing?" Her eyes came to rest on Hange who stood a few feet away. "_Oi_! Why didn't you stop us? We should've been teaching the cadets!" Her face began to flush again.

Levi loosened his grip but still hadn't let go, and Rivka made no move to leave him.

"_Maa, maa, _the rest of us taught them the waltz. You two looked like you were having so much fun, and you both work yourselves half to death. We decided you deserved a break."

Rivka looked back at Levi. "I guess it was fun, wasn't it?" She smiled.

"Tch."

* * *

*OMAKE*

"_Ne_, _ne_, look up there!"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Ah, they look so _cute_!"

"They should _totally_-"

"They would never, though. I mean he's not-

Levi interrupted the cadets' whispering. "What are you all babbling on about?"

"Levi." Rivka tapped him gently on the shoulder and used a tapered finger to point to the ceiling. He saw a piece of greenery hanging from it.

He looked at her uncomprehendingly. "And I should care that there's a plant hanging from the ceiling because-?"

She just couldn't stop blushing today. He loved it when she blushed. Stupid blushes. "Levi...it's a plant called mistletoe. I'm not sure why, but it's tradition that a man and woman who end up standing under mistletoe together-" The stupid woman needed to stop wringing her hands. Combined with her blush it was distracting him and making him think that she was cute. _Cute_ of all things. He hated that word.

"I know that. I want to know why I should care."

She narrowed her eyes. There, now she was angry and not nervous. But still cute. Damn it. "You don't have to care. But it's tradition and you should decide if you want to follow it." She paused for a moment and laughed with a touch of disappointment. "You know what? You're right. It's stupid." She began to walk away.

Without warning he pulled her close. She'd figure him out eventually, he supposed-hopefully.

"Tch. Traditions."

He kissed her.

Delighted squeals and yells rang throughout the room. People would be gossiping for days.

"There. Are you all happy now?"

More squeals and declarations of _moe _feelings.

Rivka just continued to look at him in shock. "What are you looking at me like that for, woman?"

"That was my first kiss."

At that moment, he felt a strange mix of happiness and guilt.


	3. Inability

A/N: Y'know, writing fanfiction has actually been pretty experimental for me. It's the first time I've used minimal dialogue tags and really focused on describing a person's actions. I know I haven't really developed either of them as characters much yet, but hopefully I will the more I write for this.

Disclaimer: As usual, nothing belongs to me but Rivka. _Attack on Titan _belongs to Isayama and all other respective owners.

_Inspired by Heaven Forbid by the Fray_

* * *

**Inability**

There wasn't anything he could do for her. As much as he might hide the frustration, he hated being _unable _to do anything, especially when it came to his friends. And right now he couldn't do anything.

Except sit with her.

She sat cross-legged on the edge of her bed, sobbing. Stark moonlight shone through her window, glinting off the sluggish tears on her cheeks.

She dug her palms into her forehead. "I couldn't save them."

"I couldn't save my parents." Her eyes were squeezed shut, so tight he worried she might burst a blood vessel.

"I put my friends in danger and I couldn't save them." She tore her nails across her scalp.

"I did the wrong thing and my patient _died, _Levi." Breathing heavy, eyes wide with shock and guilt, she turned to look at him.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." Her fingers tangled tightly into her hair, ready to pull.

They loosened and her arms sank to her lap. "Everything I touch dies."

"Maybe it's God's punishment for my cowardice." She began to hiccup. "Maybe I should just go live alone. Maybe I should just kill myself so no one else gets hurt because of me. Maybe-" Her voice was lost in another bout of sobbing, dry now, as if her tears had dried up.

She'd have to move past it, to get on with life, because plenty of other people needed her medical expertise. She needed to regain her confidence. He knew she was a good doctor. Her training might have been unorthodox, but plenty of other doctors considered her medical skill and intuition unparalleled. The problem was intuition didn't prevent mistakes.

He couldn't get her out of the situation she was in. He couldn't deny she was right-her mistake led to a man's death. Nothing could be done to change that.

He couldn't change anything.

But he could sit with her.


	4. Coping Part 1

A/N: You should read this one if you've read **Inability** and want more background, or if you haven't read **Inability** but plan to.

Also, I hope I'm using the right Japanese titles for Levi and Erwin...I wanted to preserve the distinction in their official positions and the English translations just didn't have the right feel to them. I know it might seem off-putting to have the Japanese interrupt the English, but I just can't imagine calling Levi, "Captain Levi." He's Levi-_heichou_!

_Inspired by Fix You by Coldplay_

* * *

**Coping**

_Part 1_

As he passed her room and saw the door ajar he couldn't help but look in. This girl had begun to intrigue him, especially as he'd noticed something bothering her all week-though for the most part she remained her bright, sunny self.

What he saw only surprised him more.

She sat on the ground, arms clamped around her bent legs, knees cradling her head. At first he couldn't hear a sound. Soon, though, sniffles escaped her, and he finally heard the panting sobs she struggled to quiet.

"Rivka. Stop snivelling."

She started as she looked up at him.

Her face looked terrible. Tears had swollen her eyes to an unattractive puffiness, and the snot threatening to drip from her nose disgusted him. Didn't she have anything to wipe her nose with?

"Levi-_heichou_!" She managed to master herself for a moment and sprang up, standing at attention. "I-i-is there something I can do for you?"

"Tell me why you're crying."

"_Heichou_..." He could see her squirming on the inside-she didn't want to tell him.

"I'm not leaving until you do." He closed the door behind him and dropped into a chair across from her bed. "So tell me. Now." He crossed his arms and legs impatiently.

This time she actually did wriggle. "_Heichou_, I'd rather n-"

"We can't have an emotionally unstable soldier in the Survey Corps. It's bad for you, our morale, and our already poor public image."

She seemed determined to resist, so he glared at her. "Speak." Any resolve she had mustered disappeared.

She inhaled noisily and clenched her fists. "When I first joined the Survey Corps, I was assigned to fight outside the walls. It was my first time ever fighting real Titans, and I was...scared. But I wanted to be brave. To not be scared. That's why I joined up in the first place."

She no longer looked him in the eye. "I ended up just being stupid instead." Transferring her gaze to the knots in the wood floor, she went on.

"We were trying to capture an aberrant, but it was too strong and too fast for us. Our leader-it was Gunther, before you picked him for your squad-said we would just have to kill it instead, before any more of us died." He saw her Adam's apple bob as she swallowed.

"I was eager to do something-anything-to stop feeling so useless and afraid, so instead of waiting for orders I rushed out to try and kill the Titan myself. Training had made it seem so easy." Blood began to seep from between her fingers.

"The problem was-" As she choked on the words he noticed tears squeezing themselves through her now tight-pressed lids. "The problem was my hands were shaking so badly I couldn't use my 3D gear properly. I ended up at the Titan's feet and I was about to get crushed when Emil pushed me out of the way."

She was lost in her memories now.

"After-after he died Liesl went crazy screaming for her brother and tried to kill the Titan too. It just grabbed her out of the air and ate her." The tears came much more freely now. "Gunther managed to organize everyone and take the Titan out. Of course he had to report me to Erwin-_dancho_."

Her bloody hands relaxed somewhat. "I was lucky-Erwin-_dancho_ didn't discharge me from the Survey Corps, he just banned me from ever going out on a mission again without his express permission. I begged him to let me fight again, to try to make up for-" Her teeth clenched. "He wouldn't, but he assigned me to help Hange with her experiments, and then to work in the infirmary. Eventually I became his personal secretary and occasional liaison with the higher-ups."

He looked at her impassively. "And _that's_ why you're crying?" His words made her look up.

"_Heichou_-Emil and Liesl-I caused their deaths. I-" She was beginning to irritate him with all her stuttering.

"Wasn't this a year ago?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then why are you still moping about it? You can't bring them back from the dead, can you? You can't change what you did. So why haven't you moved on?" Obviously she needed a good talking to. Why had no one given it to her before?

"Moved on?" He could tell he'd made her angry. Good. She needed to feel something besides self-pity. "How can you ask me to move on? I _killed _two of my comrades-good friends from the Training Corps. They died because of _me_. And you're right, I can't bring them back from the dead. They're gone for good. So are you saying I should just forget that? Forget them?"

"I'm saying that if you want to get on with your work you're going to have to accept it. Accept what happened and let it go." He got up from his chair and walked over to her. "Do you think you're the first person this has happened to?"

Her eyes went wide as he put his tone softened somewhat. "Remember your comrades. Regret the mistake you made. But instead of worrying about the mistakes you'll make in the future, resolve never to repeat the ones you make. Honor your friends by continuing the fight. Stop holing yourself up in your room to cry your eyes out and revel in your guilt." This girl was smart and skillful. Her choice to wallow in guilt surprised and annoyed him.

He waited for her reaction, and for a while she just stared back at him. Her crying and sniffling had stopped-which he was thankful for-and her breathing became more regular. Finally she giggled.

"Levi_-heichou_, you really are short."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Get back to work, officer." With that he swept from the room.

At least she wasn't a nervous wreck anymore.

* * *

So...first part not so bad? I'd love feedback so please R&R! The idea is that she's not really cut out mentally/emotionally for fighting; and she never properly dealt with the guilt she felt for her friends deaths in the first place. I'm not sure I conveyed that well. On to Part 2!


	5. Coping Part 2

A/N: Voila part two! Please, please let me know of any hints, tips, or suggestions for writing, keeping people in character, or plot. I'm horrible at coming up with story ideas.

* * *

_Part 2_

"Do you have anything to report, Rivka?" Erwin never seemed to relax, but somehow looked at ease at the same time. How did that man keep his back so straight? Levi shifted somewhat in his seat and turned to the secretary-cum-medical officer.

"_Hai_. Pixis_-shirei_ said some of the people in Wall Sina aren't too happy with the Survey Corps. Since there hasn't been an attack for almost a hundred years they don't see any use in going outside the walls. They think it's a waste of money and could potentially provoke Titan attacks." She took some papers out of a book and pushed them toward Erwin.

"There are a few people willing to back us, but they absolutely want results this time-some kind of proof that we're worth it-or else we'll never get anymore money. Especially since our last outing was a failure." She tapped the papers. "These are official documents proclaiming that the Survey Corps will be disbanded after our next mission if we don't succeed in bringing something useful back."

"Tch." Levi snorted. "They honestly think that we'll be safe behind these walls forever? Frickin' idiots."

"Don't forget we're funded by these idiots." Erwin sighed and scanned the documents. "Alright. We'll have to try and capture some aberrants then."

Rivka stiffened at this, almost imperceptibly, but Levi didn't miss it. Was she _still _thinking about that?

"Next week we'll begin planning our next mission. For now, everyone rest up." Erwin stood up and everyone began to head for the door except for Rivka, Erwin, and Levi.

"Rivka, make sure you get my men in good condition."

She inclined her head. "_Hai_."

He smiled at her. "And don't stress yourself out so much. It looks like you need some rest too-you're looking peaky."

She smiled back at him wanly. "I'm not the one who needs to worry about stress, Erwin."

His laughter rung out as he left the room.

Rivka grabbed her book and was about to leave the room when Levi's voice arrested her.

"Rivka. What's that book you're reading?"

She turned around. "It's just some light reading."

"What's it about?"

"It's-" She looked uncomfortable. Darn the woman! Why was she always so uncomfortable? "Well to be honest, it's a book on botany. Except it's about plants from outside."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Read it to me."

"Eh?" She looked extremely confused. "But _heichou_, aren't these books illegal? Won't you get caught? It's bad enough if someone finds me with it, but the Survey Corps needs you. You can't afford to get kicked out."

He rolled his eyes. "It's Levi. And do you really think anyone here is going to care? Members of the Survey Corps have probably seen half of the stuff mentioned in that thing. None of it is particularly dangerous." He set his elbow on the table and lazily leaned his head on his fist. "Besides, those stupid zealot pigs should've just gotten rid of everything if they didn't want people reading it."

"I still don't know that it's a good idea."

Would she ever just do as she was told? Did she have to be so stubborn? "If you don't want to read it to me, fine. I"ll just go." He stood to leave but she stopped him.

"Okay, okay, if you want it that much, _Levi_." She pursed her lips. "You don't have to be so tetchy."

"And you don't have to change your attitude so quickly. Just a minute ago you were calling me _heichou _and now you're being sarcastic. At least have some respect for your superiors."

"Like you do?" She shot back. But she was smiling.

Once again, he snorted. "Read."

He liked the sound of her voice. Her reading was so different from her annoying boisterous manner-soft and soothing.

He sighed. He wondered if she'd ever learn. She would probably never know that he didn't really want to hear what was in that book. That didn't interest him in the least. He just didn't want her stupidly dwelling on the past. _Baka_.

There was a knock on the door, interrupting the flow of words. "Name and business."

"Cadet Amsel, _heichou_. I have a summons from Erwin-_dancho_!" The voice was muffled by the door.

"Enter."

A smart-looking young man opened the door, clicked his heels, and stood at attention, right fist curled over his heart. He seemed slightly out of breath with fear and excitement. "He wants to see you both immediately. He says Wall Maria has been breached."

Rivka dropped the book she was holding. "Titans? _Titans _breached Wall Maria?"

Levi tensed at the news, then shrugged, pushing aside his momentary jolt of fear. "I said those walls wouldn't hold forever. Alright, cadet. Tell Erwin we'll be ready to move out in five."

"_Hai_!" With that, the cadet left as quickly as he had come.

Levi looked at Rivka. "Looks like we won't have to worry about catching aberrants now."

* * *

Well, there it is. Hope Levi wasn't too OOC. Any tips/suggestions for keeping him in character are appreciated!


	6. New Life

A/N: I'm kinda embarrassed to post this one. Why, I don't exactly know because everything I post is sentimental anyway. Maybe it's because of what it's about. .

Though I am proud of my _omake_.

_Inspired by Before It's Too Late by the Goo Goo Dolls_

* * *

**New Life**

Her question broke the rare moment of quiet.

"What are your plans?"

He stared at her across the sitting room, silent and unblinking. What plans?

"I mean, after the Titans are defeated. What are you going to do? Where do you see yourself?"

He was concentrating so hard on defeating the Titans that he hadn't really thought that far ahead. Would they really get out of this alive? Would there ever be an "after the Titans"?

He could tell she was uncomfortable with his lack of response, but before he could say anything she spoke again.

"What I'm really asking is, what will _we _be when this is all over?"

_That _got him. What would they _be_? Wouldn't they be what they always were? She, there for him; he, there for her; like this, sitting quietly together, supporting each other, doing the things they liked, insulated from the rest of the world.

She had become indispensable to him. He _would_ let her go, if he had to, if she wanted it, and he would survive. She had changed him enough that he could be happy without her. But it would be a diminished happiness, and not the happiness he wanted. He wanted her there, all the time.

So what would they do, once the Titans were gone?

"Will we stay together? Because I want to. But I want more than that. I also-I also-"

What did lovers normally do? Get married, live together, work together-yes, he could be very happy with that. A quiet life, so different from anything either of them had ever had.

"Levi, I want to have children."

There. She'd said it.

He'd been hoping that he wouldn't have to think of that. He'd taken care of children when he was younger, because he cared about them: these innocents, who had done nothing, being mistreated by adults who should know better. But they were so loud, and messy, and smelly! And they required almost constant attention. He wasn't sure he could deal with that again.

"I'm sorry Levi. I shouldn't have brought that up." The disappointment radiated from her face, and she stood to go.

"No."

His single utterance stopped her.

"No what?"

He knew he could deal with crying and shrieking and yelling, and mess, and smell. That was just an excuse. It was loving them that he was worried about. He would love them, but could he show it? Wouldn't he be a horrible father, as horrible and curt as his own? Wouldn't he neglect them? Hadn't so many years of harshness taken its toll? He'd have to soften even more. Could he really do that?

He didn't know for sure.

She was waiting patiently for his answer, because she knew him well enough to see that he was thinking hard, that he _would _say something.

"Rivka."

She cocked her head.

He mentally steadied himself. "Let's do it then."

Her forehead furrowed in confusion.

"After the Titans are gone. If you really want kids. We'll do it."

A wide smile grew on her face. "You don't have to be scared." She knelt next to his chair, slipping her arms behind his neck and nestling her head on his shoulder. "You will make a _great_ father."

"_Tch._" He let his head fall on top of hers.

He didn't know for sure. But if she was willing to take the risk, so was he. With her, he knew he could at least make the attempt. He'd do something meaningful with his life, leave behind his rage, his pain and despair, and try to pass on some happiness to a new generation. He'd do it for her-and for himself.

He would hope.

* * *

OMAKE:

The war ended quietly for Levi and Rivka.

He'd been injured _again_-which was a testament to just how powerful these Titan-shifters were-and he required weeks of recovery.

So, he was sitting in a chair reading when he heard the news.

"Levi! Levi! It's over!"

He didn't look up. "Eh?"

"The war with the Titans!"

"Good." He flipped the page and stared at it for a moment. "Let's get married."

A slightly confused look settled on her face. "You know I already proposed, right?

"I know. So let's do it. We just need to grab a magistrate and a couple of witnesses."

"_Now_?" She began to get flustered. "_Today_? But I haven't even-a dress-invitations-guests-"

He still didn't look up as he interrupted her. "Why not? If we want kids, the sooner we get started the better."

"LEVI!"


	7. Her

**A/N:** So Sara Bareilles is kind of my spirit animal. Not sure why, but I just love so many of her songs, so you're gonna see at least one more fic inspired by a song of hers.

This one is totally from Levi's point of view, and actually has just as much to do with how he feels as it does with Rivka (at least I think so). It also includes some of my headcanon concerning him. R&R appreciated!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything but Rivka. Attack on Titan belongs to Isayama Hajime-_san._

_Inspired by I Choose You by Sara Bareilles _

* * *

**Her**

He never would have thought of himself loving someone at this point in his life. He thought he'd left most sorts of love behind years ago. And anyway, a soldier like him shouldn't get distracted from his work. There would be no time for love if the Titans slaughtered them all.

But something in him had changed. Maybe it was in spite of their situation; maybe it was _because _of it. Maybe the bonds he saw forming between members of the Survey Corps-the bonds _he'd_ unconsciously formed-showed him that love wasn't just for bouncy, outgoing, "happy" people. And perhaps people like Hanji and Rivka, who remained happy in spite of everything, taught him that happiness didn't just come from the outside.

He'd believed all the people who'd told him that bastards were unlovable. So at first he'd thought that people only loved themselves, because that was all he saw. Then, living in the slums, he saw that selflessness existed. He even found that he loved, too, and he couldn't stop himself because he didn't want to. He liked it. But very rarely did love and kindness seem to help anyone. People still got sick, still died, still got beaten, were still robbed and murdered right and left, sometimes even tortured for the heck of it.

He _hated_ it. Life was something good. People _could _be happy. He'd seen it before they kicked him out. People could even be both good and happy. So why were so many people denied happiness and wholeness?

He'd eventually realized the problem. It was those who had never known any poverty or suffering, to whom nothing evil had happened, who loved only themselves-they were the ones responsible for the slums, the filth, the rotting corpses in the streets, the diseases running rampant that killed children who had barely drawn their first breaths.

He determined never to become like them. He kept loving and caring, but made sure that those he loved and cared for could survive in a harsh world. So he chose to show them that he loved them by toughening them up. He knew this sometimes made it hard to tell that he loved them-but they had each other to love, so he never needed to show his emotions.

But Rivka was beginning to make hiding them hard for him. Though he didn't smile much-it wasn't his thing-he began smiling on the _inside_. He started to accommodate her in ways he never would have accommodated anyone else. He even began to be _playfully_ snarky and not just mean snarky, especially with Rivka. He supposed that was his way of flirting.

Which was a strange concept for him. _Flirting_.

Whatever.

He began to find that he cared less about hiding his emotions anyway. Rivka had unlocked some door deep within him and tossed away the key, so he couldn't stop _hoping_.

When he first met her, he barely gave her the time of day, her bubbly, effervescent personality and attempts to befriend him getting on his nerves. When he saw she could be quiet and that she was smart and skilled, he began to respect her. Then he discovered that she often knew exactly what he needed and _wanted _to give it to him, and he began to wonder at her. To admire her.

He found that he could tolerate her loudness-that to some extent he even enjoyed it because it disrupted the depressed monotony of his world. He came to want it_, _to _crave_ it. He began to get to know her, found the insecurities and sadness behind her joy, the reserves of strength that she constantly drew on, her stubbornness and recklessness; her compassion; and the undying hope that kept her going.

At some point he had simply chosen. He didn't know one could choose so quietly, almost unknowingly. It was Erwin's small, inscrutable smiles and hints that made Levi realize the choice he'd made.

It wasn't that he would stop being snarky or curt, because that's just the kind of person he was. And he would always need his quiet time-he would never be a loud person himself. But he'd _chosen_ to let his walls fall. He _chose _to let her open him up and keep him permanently unlocked. And this made him happy.

_Happy_.

Finally, he felt as if something in his life was _right_; that something actually made him _joyful_.

He wasn't giving it up for anything. He wasn't giving _her_ up for anything. Even if she gave him up, she'd always have his heart. He'd always protect her-from Titans, from the stupid guys like Auruo who kept hitting on her (which absolutely made his blood boil), from her nightmares, from whatever.

He'd have to figure out how to tell her all of this.

Eventually.


	8. Disillusioned

A/N: Wait, this is the 8th one? I've written _that _many?

*blinks*

Anyway.

This involves some of my headcanon for Levi and Rivka. I promise I'll reveal more-the thing is, it's so hard for me to do exposition. I have it all in my head, but sometimes I forget it doesn't make sense to other people unless I actually communicate it. =P

Also, it might be a while before I write more. I'm busy and I've got stuff to do-job hunting and the like. (Blech.)

_Inspired by You're a God by Vertical Horizon_

* * *

**Disillusioned**

She watched him from afar as he spoke with several of his subordinates.

It was so strange, because he looked so similar to his twelve-year-old self. He looked older, to be sure, though he hadn't grown much in height.

She had been so confident she knew who he was. But she discovered she didn't know him at all.

Her first attempt to talk to him had gone very badly.

"_Heichou_! Levi-_heichou_!" He brushed past her, completely ignoring her, and she had gotten too scared to say anything more with others around. He had become an even more imposing person than she remembered. Had he always been quite so brusque?

The second time she ran after him down a hallway in HQ.

He ignored her and kept walking. She tried to keep up with his pace, but for someone so short he walked extremely quickly. "_Heichou_! I wanted to reintroduce myself. I don't know if you remember me but I'm Riv-" They had reached his office door and he slammed it in her face before she could follow him.

She stared at the door in shock. "Levi_..._"

The third time she managed to catch him in the mess hall right after dinner.

"_Heichou_, I'm Rivka Herschel. I've been trying-"

He spun around on his heel and glared at her. When he spoke, his voice betrayed no emotion, but the anger behind it was clear. "I know what you're trying to do. I don't remember you and I don't have time for friendships with useless cadets who can't fight. Now stop bothering me and go away."

Neither of his previous repulses had hurt nearly as much as the last one.

She stood in the mess hall, unmoving, staring at the door he had just passed through.

What had happened to Levi? Was he really so different?

As she continued to observe him, less and less now that he'd made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her, she noticed what was different about him.

Age had made him cruder and ruder. He still spoke somewhat civilly to those he seemed closest too, but he wasn't nearly as soft as his younger self.

He was also much calmer and more controlled than he used to be-to the point that he was difficult to read. Time was he'd let his emotions manifest more on his face, especially when he was angry at someone he considered an enemy.

Now it was as if his emotions had been packed tightly in a box. He reached in once in a while and brought out pointed blades of them and made the same precise moves on people that he did on Titan's necks. Except he only did so when absolutely necessary.

No longer was he a rebel-not that he no longer voiced his distaste for the government. But he followed the rules. And he, who had trusted almost no one, trusted Erwin-_dancho_ implicitly.

Not only that, but he was a trusted officer in the military, constantly closeted with Erwin-_dancho_, talking about how to catch Titans and keep getting funding from the wealthy behind Wall Sina. He had his own special squad to command. He had the power he had been looking for; and he had a family.

She could kick herself. Why did she think he would remember her, much less want to be friends with a cadet? And why was she still obsessing over her childhood crush at eighteen? Though he'd been more than a crush. He'd been her hero-opinionated, fearless, dedicated, blunt, but gentle and kind as well.

Now his bluntness had sharpened, he had matured, and his swordsmanship had improved exponentially.

The distance between them was even greater than she'd thought.

Obviously, he wasn't the same person he had been twelve years ago.

She'd just have to let him go.

It always irked him to lie. But he thought it better not to encourage her by telling her yes, he remembered who she was. He remembered all the kids he'd taken care of. The problem was not only did her bubbly personality tend to grate on his nerves, it had the potential to distract him from his work. He couldn't afford to hang around her if that would happen. Couldn't afford interruptions or unnecessary friendships.

He didn't need one more person to care about when so many would soon be dead anyway.


End file.
